I Hate People...But It's Nothing Personal

Squawking About Hate

I Hate People! co-authors Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon were guests on CNBC's Squawk Box recently to talk about the Ten Least Wanted (those "jerks at work") and the importance of staying out of their line of fire during the current tough economic times.

Marc Hershon recently appeared on CNN's "American Morning" and talked with host Carol Costello about how to deal with some of the Ten Least Wanted who drive you crazy. Here's how it went down...

Hollywood’s Walk of Fame

At the corner of Hollywood and Highland, a young woman with a nose ring and a chain slung round her waist says,

“I Hate People! too.”

She wants three Do Not Disturbs and a couple of bookmarks, and her drug-addled friend, slumped against the wall, sticks up a wavering arm and grabs one in his sweaty palm.

Across Hollywood Boulevard we go, Batman spreading his black wings around Sandwich Man and Spiderman grabbing some of our swag for a little photo op.

A ten-year-old boy bangs out a beat on a couple of plastic buckets.

“It’s your turn,” says Marc.

A dollar in the bucket. 

Sandwich Man’s feet begin to move. He’s dancing on a star. The kid picks up the rhythm. Sandwich Man sways. Spins. Jumps. His boards float to the beat. Sandwich Man just can’t stop.

Down the boulevard, fellow freaks to meet. Wonder Woman and Marilyn and some dame in black and boots and a very large whip. Sandwich Man decides it’s better to pass on having his photo taken with Jason from those Happy Halloween screamer flicks. King Kong takes Sandwich Man’s boards and tries them on for size and just like that pretty girls are lining up to have their picture taken with a man in a monkey suit wearing a sign that says I Hate People!

And then, before Sandwich Man can step out of the way, Lucille Ball has risen from the dead and taken him by the arm. There’s no escape.

Lucy hates her brother and her cousin and many others. She won’t stop talking and won’t let Sandwich Man go. She appears to be going on seventy. Or maybe eighty. Ricky must have left her high and dry. Lucy wants money. She grabs it right out of Sandwich Man’s hand. It’s not enough. She cleans out what’s left in Marc’s hand.

“I’ve been in a movie you know!” she says, an edge in her voice, holding out her hand. “More.”

 Marc shrugs. “That’s all we’ve got.”

But that doesn’t stop this crazed woman in a costume. Her hand leaps out like a lizard’s tongue. Just like that her paw is in Marc’s pocket, grabbing everything she can.

Fortunately this is Marc’s breast pocket.

Sandwich Man and Marc flee down the Boulevard. A little too fast. A security officer informs us that we have stepped over the line dividing the sidewalk from private property.

And then, without any prompting, without plan or pretense, Tinker Bell starts smiling at Sandwich Man and pulls him into her path. Perhaps it is her fairy dust. She wants to know about the hate.  And when I give her a Do Not Disturb sign she laughs and says,

“Can I have another?”

—    Jonathan Littman

Next Stop: Book Soup & Nightlife on Sunset Boulevard

Hate Dance Too

After I Hate People! co-author Marc Hershon got his groove on out at the 3rd Street Promenade the day before, it was time for Jonathan Littman to turn on the dance magic when we hit Hollywood Boulevard. No boombox for him, Jon opted instead to enlist a street drummer to hit him with a more tribal beat.

Hating Coast to Coast

Back from last week’s assault on Manhattan, the I Hate People! Sandwich Men landed in the West Coast center of Hate: Los Angeles.

Marc made the long drive down I-5, while I flew in from San Francisco. We packed the HateMobile with our sandwich boards, dozens of I Hate People! books, hundreds of Do Not Disturb Signs, a pair of rollerblades and a shovel: Standard equipment for a guerrilla marketing campaign.

First stop was the busy 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. This wasn’t New York City – where hating is considered an art form. LA is ridiculously laid back and though hate is alive and well in Southern Cal, we weren’t sure they’d want it in their face. But barely out of the parking garage in sunny Santa Monica, Marc sauntered by a café sporting the boards, and the guys behind the counter both yelled, “I hate people, too!”

Yes, it’s true that most Los Angelinos are more discreet about their hate. But once Marc stopped to take in a little sun in front of a fountain, where people could easily read his boards, a crowd gathered – and started asking for our I Hate People! swag. Families on vacation, girls out for a little shopping, and my favorite — a woman on her way to a meeting.

She asked for several extra Do Not Disturb signs to take to her bible study group. Proudly pinned an I Hate People! button to her shirt. Promised to pray for our souls.

Even the Spreadsheets assigned to keep 3rd Street clean couldn’t resist. A friendly “Downtown Ambassador”, assigned to answer questions of tourists, approached Sandwich Man.

“Do you really hate people?”

She took Do Not Disturbs and bookmarks. She was soon joined by a fellow “Ambassador” who wanted her own I Hate People! signs.

Marc got thirsty and stopped in at Starbucks. Stood in line to order his Americano. Handed over a Do Not Disturb sign. The barista thanked him and said,

“I Hate People, too.”

Feeling his oats, Sandwich Man swung his girth into a large bookstore. Security stopped his boards just inside the entrance. Filming was suspended. Sandwich Man was not allowed near any books. His request to sign his own book was taken under consideration. Sandwich Man was told to wait for management.

Five minutes passed.

“I have three customers,” said the manager when Marc told him he was the author of a new book – by chance the same one listed prominently on his sandwich board. The manager did not appear to care that the Sandwich Man’s book had just gotten a terrific review in the Wall Street Journal. Or that he had appeared on CNN.

 “I’ll be back,” he said abruptly.

He never returned. Another man did several minutes later.

“There is a protocol for the way authors do author events here,” the man told Marc. “I’ll get you the name of the guy who sets up author events.”

He left. Five more minutes passed. He returned with a torn off piece of binder paper on which had been scrawled a first name and number.

“Call John,” he said, handing over the scrap of paper.

The bookstore manager did not turn his back until Sandwich Man had safely removed himself from the store.

•     •     •

Free from the hostile territory of a Los Angeles bookstore, Sandwich Man returned to his element.

He was feeling spunky after that Americano.

“My body needs to move,” he said.

By chance, two kids in the street were doing a little hip-hop with their boom box.

Sandwich Man approached. He spoke, pointing to his cameraman.

“If I give you five dollars will you let him shoot us while I dance with you?”

“Put the money in the bucket,” said one.

He stuck a fiver in the bucket. The other kid cranked up the boom box.

Sandwich Man danced.

— Jonathan Littman

Next stop: the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The Hate Dance

I Hate People! co-authors Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon, fresh from their jaunt to New York, hit the streets of LA this week to bring their message to the masses. FIrst stop: Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Marc convinces a couple of street dancers (for a small donation) to let him jump in with them for a few moves...

I Hate People / New York Edition

Here is a sampling of video and audio footage from co-authors Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon from their recent stint of guerrilla marketing and bookstore readings in the city of New York.

Hear The Hate!

Most people have been finding their way to the print edition of I Hate People!, which is a great way to take in the information and advice. But in a world of iPods, long commutes by car, train or bus, or a summer day on the beach where you've probably got something better to do with your hands than flip pages, the audio version of IHP!, produced by Gildan Media, is the way to go! Of their over 4300 business titles, Audible.com is currently featuring the book right on the front page of their business section. So now there's no excuse not to download an earful of hate! And the way it was meant to be read -- by the authors themselves. That's right — Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon spent three days in a recording studio so that you can enjoy the I Hate People! audio experience. So click on over to Audible.com and give a listen.

I Find You Annoying, But I Can Cope

So goes the headline in this Sunday's New York Times' "Career Couch" column by Phyllis Korkki. She answers several questions about dealing with troublesome officemates. To do so she taps into the brain power of a few renowned business-world observers, including "I Hate People!" co-author Jonathan Littman and friend-of-the-Hate Robert Sutton, author of "The No Asshole Rule".

In answer to the question, "Some of your co-workers are getting on your nerves. Is it you or is it them?", Jon said, "It may be a combination of the two, and the physical layout of your office may be a factor, too. Open offices — which intensify the noises and interruptions of others — increase the irritation factor in the workplace."

To check out the whole column, pick up a copy of the Sunday Times or, for a limited time, click on over to the online version .

The HateMobile

After Jon’s successful debut the day before as a “sandwich man” — moving through the crowds of New York wearing a pair of sign boards emblazoned with “I Hate People!” — it was my turn in the spotlight.

We hit Times Square and 6th Avenue, Jon trailing me with the video camera as I handed out our promotional swag. Wearing the boards was an interesting experience. The movement of your arms is fairly restricted. It’s as if you’re an enormously plump salmon swimming upstream. Opposing foot traffic tends to bump against the signage. Every time someone hurls something you’d like to respond to — “Why you be hating on people, man?” — by the time you turn around, they’ve been swallowed up in the crowd.

It was great to have some nice extra ammo for the few naysayers: The morning had brought a sterling review of “I Hate People!” in the Wall Street Journal, the business world’s bible.

At one point, I was moving past a line of kids waiting for a tour to start and they all started clamoring for our handouts, especially the “I Hate People!” buttons we’d added to the mix. As I turned to engage them — BAM! — a Spreadsheet of a chaperone leapt out of nowhere and with her arms outstretched to protect her young charges, she looked me in the eye and said, “We don’t want any of that!”

I don’t think she reads the Journal.

Moving on, I discovered if we stopped on corners where pedestrians would pool, waiting for the traffic light to change, they had nothing better to do than actually read the sandwich boards. Finding out it was a book (and not some anti-social statement) always elicited laughs and requests. “My husband says ‘I hate people’ all the time! Can I have two buttons?”

We stepped it up in the afternoon: It was time to roll out the HateMobile. “"I searched Manhattan far and wide and found the ideal vehicle to transform into the HateMobile,” explained Jon. “A tiny white compact with worn seats, the stale scent of cigarettes, and a late 1980's interior. It was perfect and Avis knew that and charged us $133 for the day. Maybe next time they'll “Try Harder." As we headed uptown, with no place to pull over, I would jump out when we were stuck in traffic and apply the magnets proclaiming our “I Hate People!” message and our Ten Least Wanted cast of characters.

Our game trio of publicists came out of their high office tower to hop in the back seat and pass swag out to bike messengers, pedi-cab drivers and even traffic cops — one of whom reached inside to grab as many of our Do Not Disturb signs as she could get her paws on.

My job was to run along the crowded sidewalks, capturing the reactions to the HateMobile on video as Jon and our Hate Squad majestically lumbered through afternoon traffic. Through Times Square, up 6th Avenue, and around Columbus Circle, the Hate was spread throughout midtown Manhattan.

Traffic was so bad that we were in danger of missing our evening reading and book signing at Greenwich Village's famous book haunt, The Strand. Rather than drive the car and risk not finding parking in time, we abandoned the HateMobile in a parking garage and cabbed it to the Village.

We had a small but lively turnout for our first book signing. After a tasty Italian dinner we made our way to the darkened towers of the financial district to make an appearance on the Joey Reynolds Show on WOR-AM. It was a very laid back affair…and there was a delay so Jon took a page from our book and crammed in a short Power Nap on the station’s lobby couch. We spent an hour talking about hate and the difficult times at companies today.

It was midnight by the time we were back in a cab, heading for the hotel, stumbling through the lobby and parting ways ‘til morning. Before going to sleep, however, I got one last piece of virtual chocolate on my pillow: a tasty article about us on the BusinessWeek website. It’s amazing how much better one sleeps tucked in with good press.

Hating On The News

I Hate People! Co-author Marc Hershon recently appeared on CNN's "American Morning" and talked with host Carol Costello about how to deal with some of the Ten Least Wanted who drive you crazy. Here's how it went down...